Episode 14: The Unique Journey of Special Needs Parents, A Conversation with Rose Reif, MS, LCMHC, CRC
On today’s episode, Liz talks with Rose Reif, a therapist who specializes in spousal caregivers, adults with disabilities, and parents of special needs children. Whether or not you are a special needs parent, and whether or not this experience applies to you or not, the conversation is definitely a transformative one that will bring insightful knowledge, education, and support to anyone listening. We encourage you to dive in and further your understanding with us!
EPISODE NOTES:
Even for parents who are in a loving, committed relationship and are in partnership with raising their child with special needs, the experience can be an extremely isolating and lonely one.
The growing and constant cycles of a special needs child that may not be met turns into a continuous grief cycle for the parents. These are milestones and accomplishments of typical children that are not being met.
Grief is a huge part of the process because it’s a constant comparison of the life that a parent expected for their child, a life that could have been.
As humans, our brains are not equipped to build up and anticipate something and just simply adjust when it does not turn out that way. Because of this, it’s perfectly ok for parents of special needs children to start out saying “I’m grieving, this is sad.”
In these scenarios, there’s typically one parent who is generally more attuned to the child and their needs. It’s not typical that you have two individual parents who are completely parallel in their experience and understanding of parenting a special needs child.
Our world now, more than ever, has a place and a sense for community among those struggling with these disabilities. They and their caretakers have a place to go for support, understanding, and overall connection and community that hasn’t always been existent.
We’re having to re-work and re-shift the cultural narrative that mothers (sometimes especially mothers of special needs children) need to be everything for and to their children. This comes up more than ever in millennial moms.
The stress hormone levels in mothers of special needs children is similar to those of a soldier in combat.
Being a parent of a special needs child comes with a sort of constant calculation of scenarios and ‘what-ifs’ and ways to handle or cope. This comes with constant sympathetic nervous system arousal.
Parents of special needs children need to work at a constant balance of being the vigilant parent and also taking care of themselves - self care cannot thrive or exist in the midst of this vigilance.
RESOURCES:
Find out more about Rose at her website here.
This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.
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