Episode 43: To The One Doing All Of The Things, A Conversation with Lindsey Peterson
We're baaaaack! Join us as we wrap up 2021 with a couple of great conversations. Today, Liz chats with Lindsey Peterson of The Responsive Women. As a therapist and coach, her sweet spot is in helping the doers and overachievers pause, step back, and evaluate how to live from a place of responsiveness rather than reactivity. Join us as we nerd out over brain facts, and walk through some practical ways to prioritize health during this season.
Episode notes:
Connecting with others fundamentally comes down to shared needs that we have.
While there’s so much talk about other people’s needs and how we can meet them, we don’t have much talk in society about our own needs and what we need in order to meet them.
It’s important to feel full ourselves before we go out and help others.
When our energy is lower, we sit in the emotional part of our brain.
When we live in a state in the top part of our brain’s energy, we feel at ease. When we live in the middle part, or amygdala, we live in emotions; in our fight or flight response. In the lower part, our brain stem, we go into protection mode.
People were never meant to do everything on their own.
Our body natural goes into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
When we feel calm, we feel safe.Healthy relationships are good resources for grounding yourself.
Liz Higgins (00:02):
Hey, y'all... Liz Higgins here! And welcome to the Millennial Life Podcast, where my main goal is to share conversations that will inspire you and drive you toward the life and relationship you desire. I'm here to share what I've learned as a licensed therapist and relationship coach specializing in millennial relationships and wellness, as well as transformative conversations with other professionals. Thanks for listening, and enjoy today's episode!
Liz Higgins (00:33):
Well, I'm excited for this conversation today. I am joined by Lindsey Peterson, who is also known as The Responsive Woman. And we connected over Instagram, but come to find in this wide world online, we can find those mutual connective points! And so it's been really fun getting to know you, Lindsey, and I'm excited to have you on the podcast today. Thanks for joining!
Lindsey Peterson (00:55):
Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. This has been fun.
Lindsey Peterson (00:58):
So great. And these connections that we make with people are sometimes so random, but also so life-giving! Communicating with you, finding common ground, but also being able to encourage and support one another has been really life-giving. So thank you. I love it. I love it so much.
Liz Higgins (01:16):
And I think that you and I share that sentiment equally, because it's like you come across these people in the coaching realm who are also therapists... It's like, 'Okay, I'm with my people. I feel seen.' <Laugh> You get it. Which really just fundamentally comes down to needs that we have! We have needs for community. We have needs to feel supported, and seen, and understood. And I know there's a lot of you guys probably listening - I'm speaking from my own experience, but there's times where I don't feel that way. And then it's really isolating, and to keep going is tough. But I want to do a business that is well and good, but I don't wanna JUST do that. I wanna have a life that's abundant and joyful. And if I'm not doing this, the support, getting those needs met on my own... How can I have any of those things that I actually really want? So walking the talk is super important. And for those that are listening that haven't heard of you before, can you tell us a little bit about you and what you do in the coaching world?
Lindsey Peterson (02:20):
Yeah, so... Like I said, my job is to help women learn what their needs are. And you might be going, 'Ugh, I don't have needs. No, no, no.' Like that legit happens. I get that, um, society tells us that we're supposed to be able to manage many things. There's lots of needs of other people and it's our job to meet those other people's needs, but we don't have much talk about our needs and what we need to take care of ourselves? So we can then go do the things in our life that we wanna do, but we also can feel full ourselves. And so that's what I help women do.
Lindsey Peterson (02:56):
I kind of phrase it like this. I help women learn how to stop surviving day-to-day. And I teach them tools and awareness to feel calm themselves, despite whatever situation is going on... Confident in themselves that they can handle it with grace, and with ease, and feel strong while doing it. And then, also, they can feel connected to their loved ones! Because if that's their partner, if that's their kids, if that's their friends or their family members, like whatever that is, I want them to feel that way. But so often, because we're in survival mode, we're not feeling calm. We're not feeling confident. And we're not feeling connected. So, yes.
Liz Higgins (03:35):
Okay. Well... Now I'm really excited for this conversation today because I'm like, 'Well, that's me, so...' <Laugh>, but you know, I love this because I also work with a lot of driven and motivated entrepreneurs, business owners, parents, partners... Like they, they do all the things.
Liz Higgins (03:57):
And I think, especially as we get ready to enter the holiday season... I mean, as we record this, it's literally Thanksgiving week. So we're right there! So much can come up for that individual that is the one responsible for so many pieces of their life. (And maybe even for other people's lives, especially if you are a parent.) So everything you just said a moment ago, I'm like, 'Ugh!' I'm so excited because I think this is the conversation we need to be having right now - especially for those that can go into overdrive and maybe even over-function or mode. So can you talk a little bit more about that? And maybe just bring in whatever perspective you have on, like, the person that is kind of sitting here listening, like, 'Oh, that's me. I do all the things. I'm the one handling it all. I'm responsible for so many different moving parts.'
Liz Higgins (04:49):
How can you even begin to know when you need to look at that and maybe slow down? And how would you even know, like, 'I, I don't have needs that are being met'. You know?
Lindsey Peterson (04:59):
Yeah. So what I do is I really... I believe in finding... (And like, this is so in me.) I wanna find something black and white. I wanna find something that I can cling to - something that kind of allows me to take a step away and just see it for what it is. So for me... It was so funny. I was talking to a lady last week about math. She's like, 'I loved the subject of math!' And I was like, 'So did I!' I was like, 'I loved math because there was always an answer and there was always a step process to get there.' And then how did I end up in therapy?
Lindsey Peterson (05:34):
<Laugh> 'Cause that's not, it <laugh> ...like, at all. But it's like, how can I kind of merge those together? That like, so... Where my brain goes all the time, like, how can I do this? How can I put these together? What are things that I actually can CLING to? And so my magic thing, I always tell this, it's like my magic question. I just ask people, 'If you could rate your energy level from a scale of zero to a hundred, where would you rate your energy right now?' So, Liz... On a scale of zero to a hundred percent, where is your energy right now?
Liz Higgins (06:10):
I'm of course like a typical millennial over here, like a zero to a hundred. I have so many options in there! Oh my gosh. Um, let me think about that for a minute. Honestly, probably like... a 65.
Lindsey Peterson (06:22):
Okay. Yep, absolutely. And so tell me a little bit about your day so far today. Like what's been going on? Have there been lots of things going on? Was there anything that's been really good? Like, what's going on for you to kind of create this 65%?
Liz Higgins (06:41):
Yeah, that's good. I mean... I woke up, I thin,k a little bit anxious about the day. It's a holiday week. So our schedule as a family unit is a little different. We had somebody different coming over to be with the kids today (while I took off for work and my husbands working from home and all.) But, so... I mean. Just a lot of that hustle-bustle going on in the house this morning, and then rushing over to the office, getting things sorted out here. We've got people seeing clients on different days than normal. And so it's just that things feel a little off - not necessarily in a bad way - but just different than the normal structure and routine I'm used to.
Liz Higgins (07:21):
Yeah. And then there's been some, like, interwoven bonus points. Like, our conversations have been rejuvenating today, and I've kind of "filled up my cup" in other ways. But I noticed before this call too, I'm like, 'Ooh, I haven't really eaten much yet today. Like, I need to get some fuel in my body and drink some more water.' And so, just a little all over the place.
Lindsey Peterson (07:42):
Yep. Yep. Absolutely. Okay. So I'm gonna pinpoint and help you understand what's been going on. And like you said... I love what you said - it's a cup. And that's what I love encouraging women to think about is a cup. And we have this goal to fill up our cup because we want our cup to be on that, like, you know... We want it to be full. We wanna have a full cup. It doesn't have to be a hundred percent, but we want it on that higher level of full. How I describe that higher level of full is that 75% to 100%.
Lindsey Peterson (08:14):
That's... That's the goal. I want you in that arena. Okay. You can be at 75. That's fine. You don't have to always be at 100. And the reality is... How many of us are actually at 100? Like, to remember the last time I felt near 100... I dunno...
Lindsey Peterson (08:32):
<Laugh> Yeah. Like 90 is like, Woohoo! For me, that's incredible. Um, at 75, that's woohoo too! I need to be excited about that as well. Um, so I love that. I love that though, Lindsey, because when you said that, I kind of was like, 'Oh, okay. This doesn't feel like an unrealistic goal to maybe get to 75.' (Which you're saying is actually a pretty, pretty great place to be in terms of the cup metaphor.) I'm like, all I gotta do is bump it up 10 points! Which really resonates too, because I don't feel like today is a really bad day.
Liz Higgins (09:06):
It's not like the lowest "Liz Day" that I could possibly have seen, but, but it is lower than I would want to probably be feeling.
Lindsey Peterson (09:14):
And so your level is at 65. You need 10 percentage points, like you said, to get there. And because your cup isn't empty and it's not on the lower end, it's actually really easy to fill it up. Like, there's not much you need to do. You're in (I describe it as) the emotional part. So you're in that 50 to 75. So I describe that as that's the emotional part. That's where our feelings are really, <laugh> kinda like... Could take us real quick. But you also say you're probably feeling tired. And I would say that you're - and you tell me if this is right or wrong - I bet you're actually just, like, hungry right now.
Liz Higgins (09:52):
Probably! Probably! Like, right before we hopped on, I did have a bite to eat and I'm like, 'I already feel a little bit better.'
Lindsey Peterson (09:58):
Yeah. And it needed a little bit of time to, like, sink in. You're so funny. 'Cause I'm laughing, too, looking at my banana that's half-eaten right now. And my snack thing that I haven't even touched yet. 'Cause I'm like, I didn't eat either! And that's why my energy is lower right now. I am in the emotional part of my brain. Not because I'm overwhelmed. Not because I'm anxious. Not because I can't handle what's going on. But simply because I'm hungry and my body needs fuel.
Lindsey Peterson (10:30):
So is there kind of, like, a quick inventory or checklist that you almost have your clients go through to, to kind of get to that level of awareness?
Lindsey Peterson (10:42):
Yeah! So what I do is I help my clients really learn where they are in their brain as it relates to these percentages. So that 75 to 100 percent is their top part of their brain (or it's called the executive functioning part of their brain). So they're able to really problem-solve, master things, communicate effectively.
Lindsey Peterson (11:02):
Some just feel so at ease. Like I said, the "responsive women" thing - it's calm, confident, connected. That's where we feel those three things is when we're up here. But when we drop our percentage to 75 to 50, we're in that emotional part of our brain. And there, the parts of those brains is that it's um... So it's the emotional part, which really has... That's where your emotions are. There. That's where your, your body takes in things. It's assessing things. It's looking around at the surroundings of - can I handle? Can I not? Like, do I... That's the flight or flight system. So that's indictating if you need to go there or not. So the amygdala is actually stored in the emotional part of your brain. So it's this middle part - and the amygdala is the part of the brain that is assessing for threat.
Lindsey Peterson (11:58):
That's literally the function of that part of the brain. And so it's looking around and it's going, can I handle this? Can I not? Like your body right now... You don't even probably realize this is going on, is saying can I handle what comes today? I don't know. Can I handle the holidays? All this extra stress? Yeah. You're there right now. Because like you said, inconsistent schedule patterns are there. Structure's not in place. Those things probably help you thrive and, actually, can help you stay in your executive brain when you have those things. But when you don't, that's when you start to lower your percentage points. And you start to move from that executive to that emotional. Or, if you're in that emotional and all of a sudden it's like, 'I, I can't do this. This is too much.' And you're feeling so overwhelmed, that's when that amygdala goes, fire! Fire alert! Alert! Like the alarm fire drill kind of bell.
Lindsey Peterson (12:52):
It's like, ah, danger! And when that goes off, that's when your brain is like, boom, it's me against the world here. <laugh> What do I need to protect me? Protect is the function of that part of the brain. So that's the brain stem. That's the lower part. That function is to keep you safe. It's to keep you alive. It's to help survive. So thinking about running to the store for just an extra thing of frosting to make the cookies look just perfect - that's not, that's not... you don't have even ability to think those things through right now. Or you're like, 'I'm gonna go.' And then you're like, 'Where the hell are the keys?' And then you can't find them. You have no idea. And it's literally hanging on the shelf where they typically are, but something else is distracting you or... And like, you can't even put those two things together there.
Lindsey Peterson (13:48):
The only thing you have is fight. So you're gonna scream or you're gonna yell at someone or you're gonna raise your voice or have freeze, which is like, I don't know where this is. Why can't I access this information? Like what is going on? You don't have that ability. Or you have flight, which is like, screw this. I'm done. I'm not doing any responsibility right now. Like, mama's done, peace out. Whatever the heck you say, like, yeah, yeah. Or if you're like me, you know, you scapegoat your partner. 'I can't believe you let this happen to me.'.
Liz Higgins (14:24):
<Laugh> Yes. Yes. And I think one of the pieces that I'm learning so much in working with my clients is we either fight other people, like you said, we scapegoat them, we give the guilt to them, or we fight ourselves. We self sabotage ourselves. I'm not good enough. It's my fault. All of this negative, awful talk.
Lindsey Peterson (14:49):
It's just, when we're, when that happens, it's being aware that we're in that survival part of our brain and we're in fight mode and we're fighting ourselves. And I think that's so important to highlight because I've learned that it's kind of like that, that energy. I almost think of it like that energy you're holding in a flashlight. And we can either take that flashlight and shine all of that energy outward, directed at others. Or we can be the kind of person that really shines it inwards. And we're sort of just self, whatever the word is there, like imploding in ourselves. Right? And just like, yeah... wrestling all that energy inward. Why am I such a crappy mom? Why can't I do it all? If I could just X, Y, Z. It's just a lot of that shame dumping. Oh yeah. And it happens. And it happens because you're in the survival part of your brain and you're in fight mode.
Lindsey Peterson (15:44):
Mm-hmm. That's why people go, why does this happen? My clients are like, 'You're so matter of fact.' I go, 'Yep. You're in the survival part and you're doing fight right now. That's why.'
Liz Higgins (16:01):
And so, is this process... It sounds like this process is really helping your clients learn to trust their own body. And when it's maybe telling them it's to slow down, or like, even for me today, taking this inventory of being at a 65. Like, I would never have thought this, unless you asked me today! But now I'm like, 'so if I'm at a 65, like what, what is my body telling me then that I need to do?' Sounds like it's just a lot of, like, trust in yourself.
Lindsey Peterson (16:29):
And it's learning to listen to yourself and listen to, who you know that you actually are. We are the best people to know what we need, but sometimes it's really hard to even access that because we haven't been taught how to do that. Like, really! That's the reality is we've had needs growing up and they weren't probably met by people.
Lindsey Peterson (16:54):
We've had to solve it on our own. A lot of times. I mean, that's what's happening with my clients! It's countless. Time and time again. They have been like, well, I haven't had these people in my life do it, so I just do it for myself. But then they're like, but that's not working. Or I'm having these challenges. Why am I having these challenges? It's used to work, why isn't it working? And it's like, yeah, you're doing everything to the best of your ability. So I'm not gonna put blame or shame on you. It's that you just, you need some more tools in your toolbox and you need some more understanding and more awareness of what's going on. And I hate to say it, but you're gonna need help from someone because you can't do it on your own right now.
Liz Higgins (17:40):
Like, do you find that the fact right there? 'Cause it really is a fact. It's a reality. We never were meant to do it all on our own. But like you're saying, sounds like a lot of your clients. And I certainly know a lot of mine grew up learning that that's what they had to do... They had to be in charge of it all, and handle it all, because others weren't there (maybe in the ways that they needed, or whatever.) But is that fact, like, a hard pill to swallow? Do you see clients kind of resist that notion? Or how do they respond?
Lindsey Peterson (18:14):
They do. They resist it. And it's... And so I speak, sometimes, harshly to them and I say, 'You can keep doing that, but does that serve you well? Does it get you to where you need? Is that serving you right now?' And they're like, 'No.' And I go, 'Okay, but let's talk about why you have done it. It has served you in the past. It has worked. It has kept you alive. It's kept the environment calm. It's kept things stable. You knew that you needed to do those things in certain ways to keep things calm. It was a survival technique and you did it to survive and it worked. That's why you keep doing it.'.
Liz Higgins (19:03):
Yep. I, I think to myself, like adaptive back then, maladaptive now. 'Cause you're right. It's served a purpose at one point. We wouldn't do it if it didn't, that's just, like, our physiology, right? Like, so there was a reason, there was a payoff, but today, in present time, in adulthood... Maybe there's more of a cost. And that might be your health. That might be your relationships. That might be you not achieving the things that you want to in your life. That might be losing your identity to these roles that we have and not knowing who we are anymore.
Lindsey Peterson (19:42):
Gosh, those... And I feel like I could just list off so many things. I mean, that's... Those are the costs to it for sure. Or the anxiety, the depression, all of those. Just, yeah, those are big for sure.
Liz Higgins (19:52):
So for like, for somebody (and I'm just thinking too about present day. Like again, we're right here about to launch into the holidays) that's right there, for those that are kind of in the middle of this busyness and just the chaotic-ness of the holiday season... And they're used to being people in overdrive anyways. <laugh> Like, what might be some suggestions you would have for somebody listening who tends to take everything on and handle a lot? (Or are just responsible for a lot of moving parts in their life.) What are ways to kind of move through a really crazy busy time, but take a different approach with ourselves that might be healthier?
Lindsey Peterson (20:37):
Yeah. So what I would do is I would ask people... I would say, 'Okay, let's (like I said with you) let's look at where your percentage is right now.' So let's say someone says, 'You know what? My percentage is probably 20%. I'd say, okay. Yep. There's a lot of hustle and bustle going on. Like, maybe your kids were sick, you were sick. There's the stress of you getting ready to travel. Or people are coming to your house.' Like, I mean, gosh, we could just list all these reasons. It's like, why is our energy so depleted? Yep, absolutely. But it's just recognizing why your energy is depleted in that way. And when we're in that 0 to 50%, we're in the survival part of our brain. And the survival part of the brain is asking the question, am I safe? Because the function is to keep you safe.
Lindsey Peterson (21:27):
And if you say no to that, your body's gonna take over and you're gonna do fight, flight, or freeze, like we talked about. But we don't wanna do that anymore because we're learning that those behaviors once worked for us, but they're not working anymore. And we need to do something different. So we wanna do something different. But a lot of times we're like, what is this 'different' that I'm supposed to do? Right? What we need to do is we need to offer calm. That's literally all we need to do. So we need to figure out what are the calming strategies that we can use, so we can answer 'yes, I actually do feel safe because I feel calm.' When we feel calm, we feel safe. So we need to experience that calm so we can feel safe, answer 'yes', and then get out of that survival.
Lindsey Peterson (22:17):
So what I would encourage people to do is think about what the calming strategies are that work for you. If that means going for a run, if that means just going for a drive and looking at lights, or if that means, um, just sitting down and drinking hot cocoa! Because that just, you really love that. Or if that's... I literally go in the McDonald's drive-thru all the time and just get a dollar soda because it's cheap and my kids are buckled safely in their car seats. And it just, the bubbles just taste really good. Like, literally my go-to a lot of times is I'm like, this is an easy win. I don't feel guilty about it. It's uh, it's just easy for me. Right? So it's like, what are the things that you can do? And if people are like, 'I don't have ideas', I literally go, 'Okay, great. What are the things that make you go?'
Liz Higgins (23:09):
Yeah, that's a good way of putting it, like whatever that is, go do that. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I would imagine you are gonna get all sorts of answers on that from like, oh yeah... Literally, you know, smelling flowers. That's so nice. It's just a nice thing to do sometimes. And you breathe in that scent and exhale. Something so basic! But then, like, I love these other things like you're saying - get out and find something that you enjoy doing. Um, obviously nature is a big one and I know there's so much to just back up the wonderfulness of getting out, literally outside of your home or outside of the walls you're sitting inside of and just connecting in that way.
Lindsey Peterson (23:49):
But, and honestly, right now, for me, where I live, it's really, really cold. So in the summertime, yes, that is something I enjoy, going for a walk. But in this cold winter, I don't go. I go 'ugh!'.
Lindsey Peterson (24:00):
If you have that happen, don't dare go do that thing, cuz it's not gonna help you feel calm. It's gonna help you feel more angry, more frustrated. You'll be more stuck. Do the things that make you go 'yeah, I wanna do that.' Like, and that might be like, I'm gonna actually make cookies right now, and I'm gonna frost the cookies, and that is gonna calm me. And then I'm gonna eat that cookie. And I'm actually gonna, like, I'm not just gonna stuff my face. 'Cause how many of us do that? We just quick, quick, quick, we gotta eat. 'Cause this or this happened. And this way it's like, no, I'm actually gonna sit. It's gonna be two minutes. That's it. And I'm gonna take two minutes and I'm gonna enjoy this cookie. 'Cause it tastes so fricking good. And I want to enjoy it.
Liz Higgins (24:45):
Yes. That sounds so nice. And I know we talked about this when we did our episode for your podcast Lindsey, but I, I was talking about, like, one minute hugs. And that's like, you know, with partners. But I think it could even be with kids! With your kid, or with a sibling, or a friend, like just those nice, long braces. They do so much to kind of help you co-regulate a little bit and just get a little more balanced. And it shifts your nervous system around. And so I love just thinking about healthy relationships as good resources to use for some of this grounding stuff that you're talking about. 'Cause yeah, it's so important. And it's like, as you talk about these skills and stuff, it sounds so basic too. But in so many ways, I think for people that go into major overdrive in life and they are caretakers, caregivers, over-functioners, bosses, leaders... you do really start to lose those basic things that were so good for you. Or I guess so important for you.
Lindsey Peterson (25:48):
Mm-hmm! And so it's just figuring out what are those things. And then once you start to assess, you ask yourself again, more questions of where is my percentage at right now? Once you're at that 50%, you're now in that emotional part of your brain. And now the next goal is to get you to that 75%. But if you've just worked your butt off and you, like, were really lower on the percentage and you just got to 50, you can give yourself a break. <Laugh> You don't have to be that high achiever right now and get to that next level. Like, you alone, getting out of survival is huge. And you've maybe never done that in your life. Like, pat yourself on the back! Be proud of yourself right now and actually enjoy what this emotional part of your brain is... Because it can be really good.
Liz Higgins (26:38):
Ooh, that's powerful. I love that. Because it's not just about sitting in all of that, but there is something to appreciating it, cherishing it... Like, each phase maybe has its own piece of beauty in it that just helps us understand ourselves more deeply. Yeah. Um, I like that. So then when we're in the emotional part, it's like, well what do we do?
Lindsey Peterson (27:03):
Well, mm-hmm. We have feelings there. And I'm gonna tell you guys that this part is, this is the hardest part. It's really hard because this is the stuff that typically is where our trauma is. If we have trauma or past hurt or challenges like these, where our buttons get pushed, these are where triggers happen. And it's really hard because there are things that we can do, yes, but there's also a possibility of connecting with people, too. Which can scare the living crap out of us. Um, and so I recognize that and I see that. And so what I encourage people is if this stage is really hard for you, finding the people in your life that can really be there to support you, the people that you go, yeah, they support me. They hear me. I'm not having to justify myself.
Lindsey Peterson (27:50):
I'm not having to explain. I'm not having to do "have, have, have, should, should, should" that. Those people you don't have to do that with. You don't even have to think about that! You can just be you, and they love you for who you are. So... find those people when you're in this stage, if this part's hard for you, because we need that. And it's, and it's not just... We need it. It's like fundamental in our brain. Yeah.
Liz Higgins (28:18):
Mm-hmm.
Lindsey Peterson (28:18):
The emotional part of the brain is asking the question, am I loved and connected? We need to feel supported, understood, that we can handle it, or that the people around us can help us handle it together. Like, so it's actually so fundamental to get that need met. And that can be really hard for us.
Lindsey Peterson (28:36):
And I get that and I see that. And like, that's why I spend time with my clients honoring this place and not pushing them through it too quick, but going at a pace that they feel really comfortable in.
Liz Higgins (28:48):
I love that. And it's so true. Like, the work that you do with your clients, that's a very relational space. And so I love hearing that you're really in-tune with that as you work with clients, because it's not just about rushing them to achieve and get to the next level. To be honest, that's just more the same with that head space they're used to being in, is just achieve, accomplish, do do do. And you're like, no, that love and security piece is really important as well. And it is fundamental. And we're in a fiercely independent culture here. And so I think that's really important to tune into. Yeah, that's great.
Lindsey Peterson (29:25):
And with the emotional, it's really... It's first just recognizing the feelings that you're having. And they don't have to be big ones - just like for you earlier. It was that you're hungry. Recognize how you're feeling. And then do something in a positive way to honor that. So if you're feeling hungry, what can you do? What can you do Liz, if you're feeling hungry?
Liz Higgins (29:47):
<Laugh> I don't wanna fail. I don't wanna answer incorrectly, but I'm inclined to say eat <laugh>.
Lindsey Peterson (29:53):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But you know what? Here's the funny part is what stops us from taking action. And this is so perfectly said - we don't even... We recognize the feelings that we have and we're so scared to take even the action to honor those feelings because we have these thoughts, these insecurities that come up.
Lindsey Peterson (30:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna do this the best. I don't wanna mess up. I'm gonna fail. I know I'm a failure. No! You're not a failure. You're, you're learning how to honor your body. You're learning how to do this differently. You're learning that these behaviors that worked for you in the past are no longer working for you. So you're learning to figure out what the heck these new behaviors are actually gonna be. So you're learning, right? Like, so it's changing that dialogue around. And if you have that mindset of like, you're gonna kinda learn how to listen to your body right now, how do you feel about going and eating something? Do you feel opposed to it? Do you feel like, mm, I can't do that? Or are you like, no, I think I can do this? Yeah. And I, I honestly feel excited.
Lindsey Peterson (30:57):
I'm like, I know something is right around the corner in the kitchen. I can go snag it after this. I'm gonna do that and nurture that part of me that needs some nourishment before my next meeting. So <laugh> I love that we do that. We move out of the emotional part of our brain because we chose to either connect with a loved one or honor and trust ourselves, which is what you're doing by you eating that. It is not you being selfish. It's you taking a minute for yourself. You're honoring yourself. And you're getting to this executive part of your brain when, when we're there, when it comes to the holidays, that's where we're able to actually sit down and snuggle our kids. Or we're able to sing a song because we actually have the energy and we can remember the lyrics.
Lindsey Peterson (31:42):
If we're in survival, we don't remember those lyrics. Even though we've sung that song a hundred million times, we'll fumble over the words, it's crazy. But that literally is what happens. Or it's like, we've been wanting to make this recipe for so long. You'll have the energy, you'll have the awareness and you'll make that recipe really well because you're in the space to do it. Um, and that's where we can enjoy the holidays or enjoy our life, because we're in that part of our brain.
Liz Higgins (32:13):
I'm really hearing how beneficial cultivating a practice like what you're describing here today can be just to help us feel more present in such a busy time. And, you know, just honoring that it IS a chaotic time. There's a lot happening in our world, and on the news, and all these things that we feel so connected to. Even just, we feel so connected to, and maybe even impacted by, and still I can affirm what you're sharing - that this works! Because being that I am a therapist, I've put some of this into practice for my own life and it really does.
Liz Higgins (32:47):
I feel more balanced. I feel more present and sure of myself. And I think confidence was one of the things that you talked about. Helping your clients get to that place of just confident in themselves, even as they are taking care of others and navigating these kinds of times. So I just really appreciate this. And for people that wanna know more about you, how can they find you, follow you, and hear what else you have going on?
Lindsey Peterson (33:13):
Yeah. So it's simple if you're on Instagram or Facebook or even just on the website. It's The Responsive Woman. So that's it. So it's The Responsive Woman - an AN, not an EN. Um, but theresponsivewoman.com or @theresponsivewoman on Instagram. The Facebook group is The Responsive Woman. So, really simple that way. Um, those are the absolute best ways to get connected that way.
Liz Higgins (33:38):
Awesome. Well, Lindsey, thank you so much for coming on the podcast! This was so great. And Happy Holidays!
Lindsey Peterson (33:44):
Yes. And to get a refresher of this, I am offering a free workshop where I teach this. So I would love to bless your listeners with it. Um, just because, sometimes I think we need to be able to visually see it, or we need reminders. And I had clients who did the workshop and then are like, I love that you recorded this because I can go back and listen again. And I go, I wanna know the secret. I go and listen to it too, cuz I need to be reminded of this as well. So I was like, I'm literally listening to myself and going, 'Okay, Lindsey. Yep. I can do that.' And I'm like, what is going on? Like I need it just as much as everyone else else does, too. So.
Liz Higgins (34:22):
I love that. We'll be sure to put a link to that information too, in our Show Notes. Thanks!
RESOURCES:
Check out Lindsey’s website, The Responsive Woman
Add Lindsey on Instagram @theresponsivewoman
Check out Lindsey’s Facebook group - The Responsive Woman
Dive into Lindsey’s Fill Your Cup workshop and more!
This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.
After you listen, be sure to share your thoughts with us or follow us on Instagram @millenniallifecounseling and please support our show by sharing with a friend or writing us a review on Apple podcast! Your support is gratefully appreciated.