As I was thinking about the holiday we’re celebrating this week, acknowledging the milestone of our nation fostering its own independence…it had me pondering even more about relational dynamics and what we can learn from the balance between independence and interdependence, or being relational.
Relationships are truly such a dance. And like any great dance, they require two ingredients: Separateness (the strength and skill of the individual) and togetherness (the ability to merge in tune with another). The Fourth of July reminds me of how our nation had to learn to navigate becoming its own entity separate from the government of others, but then again how to be in relationship to others from that newfound identity.
We are constantly doing this same dance in our life…in fact, Terry Real (creator of Relational Life Therapy for couples) often talks about how we move through the same 3 dynamics over and over and over again:
Harmony > Disharmony > Repair
Over and over! Just like we see in family systems and in communities at large or in our individualized relationships.
This always strikes me as a huge source of HOPE - because I know that, even when my own relationship is in a state of disharmony or conflict, I have the ability to help steer it toward the next inevitable stage: Repair. And repair, as we know from the greatest educators on parenting, relationships, and emotional wellness out there, is critical in helping our relationships heal and thrive.
Sometimes, conflict becomes so rigid that we forget how to reach this final and necessary state of “repair”. We feel too disconnected, hopeless, or concerned that we aren’t in the right relationship to make it happen. Many clients I have sat with talk about feeling powerless in the systems and relationships they are a part of.
That is so real.
This is why I get so excited about the opportunities therapy can provide to couples and clients; to find empowerment in your individual choices and growth, which then impacts the relationships and systems you are a part of.
At MLC, I am so proud of our team and how our top priority is in helping clients (whether individuals or couples) harness the skills of healthy independence as well as healthy interdependence. You really can’t have one without the other. None of us are meant to operate through life alone, but through connection to others through relationship, through community, and beyond!
Liz is the founder of Millennial Life Counseling and the host of The Millennial Life Podcast!
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